Anyone Missing a Paddleboard? And What’s going on in Flathead?

This is from the Police Blotter in Flathead, Montana. At first, I was interested in the found paddleboard. But then, I looked at the entirety of Jan 21, 2020 in Flathead and I simply rejoiced in humanity. This is one hell of a day. I have a so many questions. And I wonder if it’s possible if this is simply a Guy Ritchie movie and involves only 3 people. File this under the Wild World of Paddling.

From: POLICE BLOTTER: Flathead County Sheriff’s and Kalispell Police Reports

12:05 a.m. A Kalispell man was yelling at his roommates.

2:06 a.m. Someone was passed out in their car.

4:06 a.m. A Kalispell man reported that his son was having a party without his permission. The man was watching the party with his security camera.

7:30 a.m. A car has been sitting in a parking lot for over a week.

8:56 a.m. A Kalispell man found a brand new paddleboard, still in its box, in the middle of the road. The man took it with him and said if anyone calls looking for their missing paddleboard that he will give it back, otherwise, he has a brand new toy.

4:05 p.m. A man with two kids in the back of his car was driving all over the road.

4:26 p.m. Someone was screaming about a CT scan and a dog at the hospital.

4:32 p.m. A Flathead man called 911 to report that his wife was bothering him.

5:08 p.m. Two cars almost crashed into each other at Dairy Queen.

7:11 p.m. A house was on fire.

7:38 p.m. A man was sleeping in a dumpster.

8:19 p.m. A Kalispell man was ticked off that a plow truck had knocked his mailbox over.

10:26 p.m. Someone trying to make an out-of-country phone call kept calling 911.